Classic Four-Play: ‘Van Dammage’ – There Is No Substitute

As a lover of movies in the Greater New York Metro Area, the only thing I love more than actually going to the Alamo Drafthouse [Yonkers] is going to movie marathons at the Alamo Drafthouse; and why shouldn’t I?  I’ve tasted three flavours of blood and ice cream.  I’ve seen a man Caged.  I’ve been to the Stallone Zone and lived to tell about it.

So, when they announced that the next such action-packed marathon was going to feature the incomparable JCVD, I naturally bought ten tickets and invited nine other friends to attend.  I mean, how else are you supposed to heat up January?  It’s not like there’s anything good playing.

Now, I have to admit, before attending the marathon last Saturday (once again curated by Alamo’s Cristina Cacioppo and Greg MacLennan, whose love of Van Damme is so real I could actually feel it), I’d never actually seen a Jean-Claude Van Damme film, at least not in its entirety.  I’m sure I’ve caught bits and pieces of things on cable over the years, but I’d never actually sat down and watched one from beginning to end, and I’d definitely never seen one in a theater before, so I was very excited; and, for the most part, my excitement was justified.

Let’s talk about these movies!

 

Movie #1: Sudden Death (1995)

Directed by Peter Hyams
Written by Karen Elise Baldwin (Story) and Gene Quintano (Screenplay)
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Powers Boothe, Raymond J. Barry, Whittni Wright, Ross Malinger, Dorian Harewood, Kate McNeil, Michael Gaston, Audra Lindley, Brian Delate, Brian Hutchison, Diane Robin, Rohn Thomas
Soundtrack: John Debney

Look, there’s no question Peter Hyams has directed some bad movies in his career, but on the whole I think he’s criminally underrated.  Capricorn One is a pretty good late-70s conspiracy thriller; Outland is a totally bad-@$$ space western; 2010 is a more-than-worthy (and Kubrick-approved) sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey; and maybe The Presidio isn’t a great film, but boy does it have its moments.  But, we’re not really here to wax poetic on Peter Hyams; we’re here to talk about his amazing action film, Sudden Death.

This movie is awesome.  It’s completely over-the-top and, at times, a little cornball, but if you’re looking for well-directed and exciting action set pieces, then you’ve come to the right place.  Powers Boothe is, as usual, a fantastic black hat, and any time I get to hear this music is just totally gravy.

I also have to give a lot of credit to the production team for really embracing the city of Pittsburgh as a location.  I’m not from there, or anything like that, but I have visited, and it’s a unique city with a unique look that really adds a lot of character to the movie.

Other than that, I really don’t know what else to say that’s meaningful.

Game 7.  The Vice President.  And it’s up to Van Damme to save the day.

What more could you want?

Rating: ★★★★½

 

Movie #2: Lionheart (1990)

Directed by Sheldon Lettich
Written by S.N. Warren (Earlier Screenplay), Jean-Claude Van Damme (Story and Screenplay), and Sheldon Lettich (Screenplay)
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Harrison Page, Deborah Rennard, Lisa Pelikan, Ashley Johnson, Brian Thompson, Voyo Goric, Michel Qissi, Eric Karson, Billy Blanks, Lawrence Bender, Scott Spiegel, Abdel Qissi
Soundtrack: John Scott

So, this one was Greg’s must-see pick, because it’s his favorite JCVD movie.  I don’t necessarily see what he sees in it, but I’m not going to judge in this case.  It’s a sold-enough fighting movie, and the really interesting story is that the print of it we watched was apparently loaned out by the Academy Film Archive, so kudos to them, though I struggle to understand why they have it.

Lionheart is the directorial debut of long-time Van Damme collaborator Sheldon Lettich, and is the story of a French Legionnaire (who we don’t get a whole lot of English-language films about, other than Beau Geste) who goes A.W.O.L. in order to return to his badly burned brother in Los Angeles, and along the way gets involved in the world of underground fighting for the entertainment of rich people in order to make enough cash to get where he needs to go and also take care of his brother’s family.

In short, Van Damme fights his way out of Africa, goes to New York and fights some guys, then goes to LA and fights some guys, and then goes to some ridiculous mansion to fight a huge guy.

All of the fight scenes in Lionheart are shot competently enough, and the New York footage is a nice time capsule, but on the whole I just felt like it was missing something.  I can’t really put my finger on it, but there was just something lacking in it, like it’s not as fun to watch as you’d think; although a slow clap did break out in the theater during the final fight, which is always fun.

I was genuinely disappointed that Van Damme never fought Brian Thompson’s character (aka “The Night Slasher” from Cobra), but maybe that’s just me.

Rating: ★★★½

 

Movie #3: Knock Off (1998)

Directed by Hark Tsui
Written by Steven E. de Souza
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rob Schneider, Lela Rochon, Paul Sorvino, Glen Chin, Peter Nelson
Soundtrack: Ron and Russell Mael (aka Sparks)

Every Alamo Drafthouse actor marathon has at least one really obscure selection that causes the audience to say, “What’s this movie?”  Sometimes it’s great; sometimes it’s good.

In the case of Van Dammage, it was Knock Off (personally selected by Cristina).

This movie occasionally veers into the so-bad-it’s-good territory, and when it does, it’s glorious, but for the most part it falls into the frustratingly bad category.

Directed by Hark Tsui (who also directed Double Team), Knock Off feels akin to Russian Terminator, an attempt to make an English-language action film by people who don’t really have a grasp of what they’re attempting, which is shocking given that writer Steven E. de Souza also wrote such amazing action films as Die Hard and Die Hard 2.

The plot is incoherent, the filmmakers clearly have no grasp of what the CIA is or does, and some of the editing is so uncomfortably fast and furious that I actually had to look away because my head hurt (fortunately, I had my chicken and waffles special to dig into when times got rough).

There are some nice Van Damme moments in here, but not enough to watch the entire movie.  Find a highlight reel on YouTube or something and you’ll be good to go.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

 

Movie #4: Hard Target (1993)

Directed by John Woo
Written by Chuck Pfarrer
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Lance Henriksen, Yancy Butler, Arnold Vosloo, Wilford Brimley, Kasi Lemmons, Ted Raimi, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Chuck Pfarrer (Cameo)
Soundtrack: Graeme Revell and Tim Simonec

It’s a John Woo film (his Hollywood debut, in fact).  It’s got guns, motorcycles, slow motion, and doves.

And Jean-Claude Van Damme.  And the City of New Orleans. (Which got me thinking: what if Van Damme played Gambit in an X-Men movie?  Hmmm…)

Anyway, Hard Target is essentially John Woo’s version of The Most Dangerous Game.  Once again, like in Lionheart, rich people are doing crazy illegal things because they can afford it; this time, hunting people for sport!  Also, Van Damme plays a merchant seaman who has to take whatever work he can get because he can’t afford his union dues (just like Inside Llewyn Davis).

Van Damme helps a girl to find her father, they cross paths with the wrong people, and much action ensues.  So. Much. Action.

This was a great film to end the day with.  The crowd was definitely into it and everyone was having a wonderful time.  Plus, this movie inspired a fantastic drink special complete with custom mason jar.  Thanks, Wilford Brimley!

I give it a half star less than Sudden Death because I think Van Damme’s performance is more magnetic in that one (plus, you know, hockey), but Hard Target is still a must-see for action fans.

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

In conclusion, although not every movie was a winner, Van Dammage was a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon, and I’m grateful for the experience, as are my friends, I’m sure.

Now who wants to go home, and who wants to go WITH ME!?