Directed by Josh Trank
Written by Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater, and Josh Trank, based on characters created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Cast: Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Reg E. Cathey, Tim Blake Nelson
Soundtrack: Marco Beltrami and Philip Glass
Sooooooo.
You feel like going to see a movie this weekend?
Well, if you want a fun superhero movie, I’d recommend Ant-Man.
If you feel like more of a psychological thriller, I’d recommend The Gift.
If you want a quality summer blockbuster, I’d recommend Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation.
And, if you want to slit your wrists with a Swiss Army Knife, I’d recommend Fantastic Four, aka FANT4STIC.
In all seriousness, I’ve seen some depressing movies in my life, but I don’t know if anything in the past ten years has brought me down as far as FANT4STIC did.
Literally no one should ever see FANT4STIC. This movie deserves to be buried a billion times more than the 1994 Fantastic Four film that was actually buried (more on that later).
I mean, remember when superhero movies were fun? Remember when they made you feel good. For friggin’ sake, RoboCop leaves me feeling like I’m on top of the world, and RoboCop is a dead cop in a robot suit!
You know, just because they went gritty reboot with Batman doesn’t mean every superhero property needs to go gritty reboot. Batman can get away with it because he’s a darker character and because underneath the suit he’s only human, but really, the Nolan Dark Knight trilogy (and I do love it) should be the exception to the rule, not the rule itself. But, you know what? EVEN THE GRITTY BATMAN TRILOGY HAD ENOUGH MOMENTS OF LEVITY TO MAKE THE MOVIES FUN.
FANT4STIC pops off a few rounds of humor for good measure, but it’s not nearly enough to make up for the fact that the movie is inherently joyless. The few laughs sprinkled in are like trying to stop a train with a BB gun; it’s just not happening.
What’s also terrible is just the shear waste of talent that occurred here. You’ve got Josh Trank at the helm, who made Chronicle (one of the top ten movies of 2012, in my opinion), and a core/corps of fine young actors who you’d think would have some natural chemistry together, but either don’t, or it wasn’t brought out or captured properly.
Another important question to ask of FANT4STIC is, “Was this a story that needed to be told?” because the entire movie is an origin tale. Not a portion; the whole dang thing. A lot of times superhero movies get criticized for falling apart somewhat after the origin section is over, but I’ll take that scenario over what FANT4STIC offers any day.
You know what else wasn’t that great (in comparison to most analogous movies these days)? The visual effects. That’s probably because FANT4STIC “only” cost $120 million, down from the usual $175-200 million studios are dropping for Summer tentpoles, but a lot of things just didn’t look as good as I would have expected. Not that better visuals would’ve changed the fact that the film is a total downer, but it’s still a noticeable weakness.
I honestly don’t know what else to say, other than FANT4STIC was dark, depressing, flat, and depressing.
I wish I had never gone to see it, but perhaps this warning will help others avoid a similar fate. In all my years, I never thought I would consider it necessary to actively help a movie FAIL.
Have fun, kids. Don’t see FANT4STIC.
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
P.S.
As I mentioned, if you want to see a Fantastic Four movie that’s actually a good time, check out the unreleased 1994 Roger Corman-produced film. Sure, it’s extremely low budget (which means most of the effects are laughably bad), cornier than Nebraska, and cheesier than Wisconsin, but at least it’s charming and fun (and doesn’t bring on suicidal thoughts). If you have 90 minutes to kill sometime, I highly recommend watching it.
The Fantastic Four (1994 unreleased) Roger Corman by yourgeeknews