Movie Review – ‘Cocaine Bear’ – “Exit, pursued by a bore”

Release Date: February 24, 2023

Oh, boy.

I’m so sorry, Ray.

I’m so sorry that Cocaine Bear is your first big screen posthumous release (although I guess I’m glad it’s not your last?).

And I’m particularly sorry that the movie ends on a title card that says “In Loving Memory of Ray Liotta.”

You deserve so much better…

Anyway, Cocaine Bear, the new “based” “on” “a” “true” “story” feature film (it did make the Times, to be fair; although there aren’t enough quotation marks in the world for this “adaptation”) from writer Jimmy Warden and director Elizabeth Banks (neither of whom I’m eager to see in those roles ever again) is not especially humorous, horrifying, or heartwarming, despite attempting to be all three in a roughly ninety-minute span.

To be fair, I did laugh out loud a few times, so I can’t say that Cocaine Bear is a comedy that never tickled my funny bone, but… I also just saw Munich for the first time the other night, and I’m pretty sure I laughed out loud more during that movie, which, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Munich, but, it is decidedly not a comedy.

Look, making a film is many things, but one very important aspect is making creative choices and committing to them.

This is supposed to be a period piece, right?  It’s supposed to take place in 1985?

They got things like the vehicles right, and I guess the music, and, for the most part, the clothes, but none of the characters act like they’re in the 1980s (all the news footage and PSAs in the world can’t convince me otherwise).  They just act like characters in a crappy contemporary comedy.  You could have moved this story up to 2022 and it would barely (bear-ly?) affect the final product.

And, I’m sorry, but if you can find me a uniform (not undercover) cop in Knoxville, Tennessee in 1985 who ever looked like this… I’ll buy you a delicatessen, in stainless steel!

Another failing, and I can’t pinpoint it specifically, because I don’t know what was in the screenplay nor what scenes were actually shot, but the movie sometimes feels like there was a two-hour version that got cut down with no logic behind the decision-making.  Not so much that the film is incomprehensible, but more that, rather than cutting down one particular subplot to reduce the runtime, it seems like they cut pieces from every subplot, leaving the movie feeling more than a little underbaked.

And, finally, I’m always squeamish about criticizing performances, because, by-and-large, actors simply do whatever directors demand of them, and then the editing process can make-or-break performances even more so, but, if the best performance in your movie filled with professional actors comes from a social media star (in the best sequence in the movie, to be honest), that’s probably not a great sign.

Overall, I wouldn’t say I hated Cocaine Bear.  Like I said, it did make me laugh a few times, but it’s just such a missed opportunity across the board.  It actually could have been really funny, or scary, or heartwarming, or any combination of the three, but, in the end, it’s just a damp squib.

Sorry, Ray.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

P.S.
If you’re looking for an underseen movie with Ray Liotta that’s actually good, I can’t recommend The Iceman highly enough.


Cocaine Bear (2023)
Directed by Elizabeth Banks
Written by Jimmy Warden
Cast: Keri Russell, O’Shea Jackson Jr, Alden Ehrenreich, Christian Convery, Brooklynn Prince, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Margo Martindale, Ray Liotta, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Aaron Holliday, J.B. Moore, Leo Hanna, Matthew Rhys, Kristofer Hivju, Hannah Hoekstra, Ayoola Smart, Kahyun Kim, Scott Seiss
Soundtrack: Mark Mothersbaugh

Classic Twofer – ‘Death Wish’ & ‘Death Wish 3’ – Bite the Big Apple (Don’t Mind the Maggots)



You might look at these two movies and say that they’re similar, and you’d be right, but they are definitely not the same.

Much like the stories of another famous fictional vigilante (Batman), the Death Wish films exist on multiple gradient scales, namely serious to cartoonish, and feel-bad to feel-good (more like feel-alright, but you get the point).

Amazingly though, these two divergent examples have the same director (a real John Glen, if you will).

Let’s get to it.

Original Release Date: July 24, 1974

Directed by Michael Winner
Written by Wendell Mayes, based on the novel by Brian Garfield
Cast: Charles Bronson, Hope Lange, Vincent Gardenia, William Redfield, Steven Keats, Stuart Margolin, Stephen Elliott, Kathleen Tolan, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Guest, Olympia Dukakis, Paul Dooley
Soundtrack: Herbie Hancock

In contrast to the set-piece driven action films that would become the hallmark of the vigilante sub-genre, 1974’s Death Wish is much more of a bona fide drama, with interesting story choices and at least a modicum of depth to its main character (I think “protagonist” is a bit of a stretch).

Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson) doesn’t even shoot anybody until nearly halfway through the film, and it’s a literal journey to get there: we start in Hawaii, with he and his wife on vacation; then they come back to the concrete jungle of New York; wife and daughter are assaulted by hoodlums (one played by Jeff Goldblum); wife dies, daughter is mentally destroyed; then Kersey goes to Arizona on a job and the client takes him to a gun club, where we learn one or two things about Paul; then he comes back to New York again and starts killing muggers, and the police investigate.

The point is though, we see Kersey’s transition from mild-mannered architect to cold-blooded assassin of the night, and it is unvarnished, if not downright ugly. People often criticize this movie as some sort of right-wing jingoistic manifesto, but I think the truth is a little more complicated. Death Wish asks you to understand Paul Kersey (if it even asks that much), not necessarily agree with him (that’s up to you). Maybe it’s just me, but whatever “fun” entertainment value the movie has comes much more from the police chasing the vigilante (especially Vincent Gardenia) than from the vigilante himself.

I should also mention that Death Wish, while a smaller scale movie, is decidedly a picture from a major studio. Not a huge budget, but on par with other comparable productions. For one thing, its New York City is all real (and in winter; rough), and there’s some production design (fake advertisements and such) that a shoot with less backing might find difficult to implement.

If I have one particular criticism, and I hate to disparage a dead man, but Steven Keats’ performance as Kersey’s son-in-law sticks out like a sore thumb. I’ll cut him some slack because I imagine it’s what the director wanted, but it takes me out of the movie every time.

All-in-all, Death Wish is probably more influential than actually great, and it’s certainly of its time, but it’s still a solid watch, and not without some remaining resonance today (sadly).

Rating: ★★★½ (out of five)


Original Release Date: November 1, 1985

Directed by Michael Winner
Written by Don Jakoby, based on characters created by Brian Garfield
Cast: Charles Bronson, Deborah Raffin, Ed Lauter, Martin Balsam, Gavan O’Herlihy, Kirk Taylor, Alex Winter, Ricco Ross, Joe Gonzalez, Marina Sirtis, Barbie Wilde, Billy J. Mitchell, Manning Redwood
Soundtrack: Jimmy Page

After the feel-bad opus of Death Wish II (Want to feel just awful? Put that one on), director Michael Winner finally decided to lighten things up.

The result is 1985’s Death Wish 3.

At a time when vigilante films were already becoming live-action cartoons (Vigilante, Exterminator 2), Winner pushed the envelope even further, creating one of the ultimate “turn your brain off” action movies of the decade. Unfortunately, there’s still some of his signature sadism left in (Marina Sirtis is rightfully still bitter about it), but, compared to the previous entry, it’s downright breezy.

It’s also far more unambiguous in its storytelling than the first one: Paul Kersey comes back to New York from exile in Los Angeles; his friend Charlie gets confronted by some thugs (one played by Alex Winter) while Paul is literally on his way to visit Charlie, and so Charlie dies in Paul’s arms; Paul gets taken into police custody, but then turned loose by the police chief who knows who he is and wants him to do what he does; and before too long (end of the first act), Kersey has gone to war with the local [inexplicably multi-racial] gang.

In more contrast to the original, Death Wish 3 is (adjusted for inflation) a much cheaper movie. There’s enough actual New York City to make it plausible, but it was largely shot in London to save on costs, and thus the cast is filled with American expats (if not downright UK citizens).

Not that it matters, because while there are some minor twists and turns in the story, the most important aspect of the film is that the last fifteen minutes devolves into glorious chaos, punctuated by the fact that our protagonist is a sexagenarian.

Not the same quality as its predecessor, but entertaining in its own right.

Rating: ★★★½ (out of five)


There you have it. Two Death Wishes: one bad-good, one good-bad. And Bronson might be even more charming in the latter…

In Defense of: ‘Wild Wild West’

Original Release Date: June 30, 1999

Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld
Written by Jim & John Thomas (story), S.S. Wilson & Brent Maddock and Jeffrey Price & Peter S. Seaman (screenplay)
Cast: Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Salma Hayek, M. Emmet Walsh, Ted Levine, Frederique Van Der Wal, Musetta Vander, Sofia Eng, Bai Ling, Garcelle Beauvais, Buck Taylor, Derek Mears
Soundtrack: Elmer Bernstein

(I mean, Steampunk is technically sci-fi, right?)

I’m not a Boomer, so I have no particular fealty to the Robert Conrad show of the 1960s, of which Wild Wild West is loosely inspired by (not unlike Mission: Impossible), but if the reason you don’t like this movie is because you feel it did the original show dirty, then there’s not much I can say to convince you otherwise (though I can definitely appreciate having passion for cherished properties).

On the contrary, I was a young lad at the time Wild Wild West was released, which I suppose put me at least on the outer edge of the target demographic (boy oh boy do I remember that song), although I did not see it theatrically (my mom’s a Robert Conrad fan, so she certainly had no impetus to take me). I’d catch bits and pieces here and there on cable, but I don’t think I fully sat down and watched it until a couple of years ago. Despite the film’s reputation as a bad movie, I have to say, I found it very entertaining, and seeing it on the big screen last year only affirmed my experience.

First of all, it’s directed by Barry Sonnenfeld (Men in Black), shot by Michael Ballhaus (Scorsese’s primary cinematographer from After Hours to The Departed), and has music by Elmer Bernstein (he scored a little movie called Ghost Busters), so, right off the bat, things can’t be all bad.

Secondly, I like the steampunk angle of it. Yes, not everything still holds up visually from 1999, and some things perhaps get a bit too silly, but, by and large, there are some really fun concepts that are well-executed, both large and smaller Q-gadget scale.

Third, I enjoy the playing around with history (after all, I was a history major). Admittedly, there are some uncomfortable tonal shifts (some may call them inconsistencies) in this area, but part of that is undoubtedly Sonnenfeld’s twisted sense of humor, which I’m mostly okay with. And, frankly, much of the subject matter is a little more relevant than some people may care to admit (dare I suggest, did Wild Wild West crawl so HBO’s Watchmen could sprint?).

Lastly, I actually like the performances. Obviously, Will Smith is Will Smith, you can take him or leave him, but Kevin Kline turns in a solid comedic performance, and, most importantly, Kenneth Branagh appropriately devours the scenery as the mustache-twirling Dr. Loveless. Overall, I get the impression that everyone knew they weren’t making high art, and allowed themselves to have fun with it, while still taking it seriously enough to not make it a farce.

It may not be a “great” movie. At the end of the day it may simply be big budget schlock (which I’m okay with), but more than anything else, Wild Wild West is fun, and that’s all I need it to be. I definitely recommend giving it another chance if it’s been a while since you’ve last seen it.

Rating: ★★★½ (out of five)

Classic Movie Review – ‘Starship Troopers’ – Let’s Get Rocked

Original Release Date: November 7, 1997

Directed by Paul Verhoeven
Written by Ed Neumeier, based on the book by Robert A. Heinlein
Cast: Casper Van Dien, Dina Meyer, Denise Richards, Jake Busey, Neil Patrick Harris, Clancy Brown, Seth Gilliam, Patrick Muldoon, Michael Ironside, Rue McClanahan, Marshall Bell, Eric Bruskotter, Matt Levin, Blake Lindsley, Anthony Ruivivar, Brenda Strong, Dean Norris, Christopher Curry, Lenore Kasdorf, Amy Smart, Timothy Omundson, Dale Dye
Soundtrack: Basil Poledouris

I have to admit, I am one of those people who thought this was a “bad movie” the first time I saw it.

In my defense though, I was watching it on TBS, and I was young. After all, there’s no such thing as “irony” when you’re in middle school, mostly because kids are stupid.

Once I got a little older though, and I could see Starship Troopers front-to-back in its full glory, I finally got the joke, which let me appreciate all the other wonderful things about it.

Heck, on paper, this is a sure-fire smash. You’ve got nearly the whole creative team from RoboCop back for another satirical romp ten years later, but I guess for some reason people didn’t realize it was a satire? I mean, I can understand the studio not knowing how to market it (not to mention the line of children’s toys), but critics really should have known better (then again, I scratch my head plenty at what paid critics for major outlets say today, so, maybe it’s unfair to have such high expectations for these people).

Even taking out the story and satirical elements though, the technical achievement alone is enough to get you your money’s worth, as there are incredible blends of digital and practical effects (often miniatures). Not to be that guy, but Starship Troopers often looks better than many (if not most) movies today.

What’s the heart of the movie? Well, that’s the joke. On the surface it’s a soap opera science fiction epic, but really it’s a commentary on unbridled fascism; and yet it doesn’t take itself too seriously. You know, like RoboCop, but for some reason that’s regarded as a classic and Starship Troopers largely isn’t.

Don’t listen to the haters. See it again, for the first time.

Rating: ★★★★☆


P.S.
Dizz is The Best Woman. Everyone knows that.