Movie Review – ‘Justice League’ – Avert Your Eyes

Directed by Zack Snyder
Written by Chris Terrio (story and screenplay), Joss Whedon (screenplay), and Zack Snyder (story)
Cast: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Gal Gadot, Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher, Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, Connie Nielsen, J.K. Simmons, Ciarán Hinds (voice), Amber Heard, Joe Morton, Lisa Loven Kongsli, Kobna Holdbrook-Smith, Doutzen Kroes, Brooke Ence, Ann Ogbomo, Samantha Jo, Holt McCallany, Marc McClure
Soundtrack: Danny Elfman

Alternate title for this piece (or the movie): Why Can’t We Be [Super]friends?

I really shouldn’t even dignify this movie with anything resembling a full-length review, so I’ll try not to.

At no point in time did I ever have high hopes for this film, and in its wake I definitely don’t have high hopes for the DCEU as a whole.

Justice League is as big of a mess as Rogue One (if not more so).  The only difference for me personally is that I don’t have nearly as much emotional attachment to the property, so I’m not nearly as angry or disappointed, but I still have to call a turd a turd.

The biggest problem with Justice League is that it is approximately 4,657 movies in one (hyperbole intended).

It’s almost as if these characters should have starred in their own films before appearing all together.

You know?  Maybe build it up a little bit?

Why DC didn’t bite the bullet on this and instead attempted to microwave everything in order to “catch up” to Marvel is entirely beyond me.  I mean, despite being pilloried by the critics at nearly every turn, these movies are still somehow doing good business, couldn’t they have put in the effort to make them good, too?

Back to the subject at hand (though this is a franchise-wide issue), Justice League, in addition to having a myriad of elements (especially tones) that don’t quite fit together, has so many visuals that are just plain ugly to look at that I could hardly believe my eyes.  I may not be a film-making expert, but I do know that this was a two-hour movie that cost $300 million.  It should not look as bad as it does, and yet it does.

Now, I’ll admit, there were a few tiny bits and pieces here and there that I did find enjoyable about Justice League, but mostly I was either bored, or trying not to be sick.  Even if you’re somehow a DCEU completionist, this movie still isn’t worth your money to see theatrically.

It’s a mess.  An ugly, boring mess.

What more do I need to say?

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

P.S.
There are multiple stingers, because D.C. is now in full Marvel mode (they wish).

P.P.S.
Naturally, and as usual, thanks to Alamo Drafthouse for the cool glassware (which is better than the movie).


Movie Review – ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ – Who’s in charge here?

Directed by Zack Snyder
Written by Chris TerrioDavid S. Goyer, based on characters created by Bob KaneBill Finger (Batman) and Jerry Siegel & Joe Shuster (Superman)
Cast: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Jesse Eisenberg, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne, Jeremy Irons, Holly Hunter, Gal Gadot, Scoot McNairy
Soundtrack: Junkie XL and Hans Zimmer

Look, I get it.  Comic book movies are a tough business.

You have to adapt an infinite medium into a finite medium; you have to make a movie that will stand on its own even if people haven’t read the source material while also making something that fans of the source material will appreciate; and, on top of all that, you need to make a movie that will make enough money to triple the tremendous costs so that it’s not considered a failure, but you don’t want to make it too simple-minded so that it’s also considered a failure.

Whoa.

All that said, I’ve feared, especially when compared to its Marvel counterpart, that the DC Extended Universe has been doomed from the start, having been largely placed in the hands of Zack Snyder.  That’s not to say ol’ Zack is incapable of making good movies; 300 and Watchmen stand as evidence in his favor.  Man of Steel, however, is good for about 70 minutes of its runtime, while the other hour is just too much for my senses.

Dawn of Justice is, in many ways, more of the same, except it’s not a tale of two halves like Man of Steel (or Captain America: The First Avenger, for that matter).  Here, the schizophrenia has a bit of a ping pong feel, bouncing back and forth between questionable decisions and sequences that actually work pretty well.  From a plot standpoint, the movie takes a while to get where it’s really going, but once it gets there, it’s pretty good, so, overall, it balances out to some solid entertainment.

Per my guiding principles, I’ll do my best not to spoil anything (although the trailers have basically given everything away at this point) while getting into what worked and what didn’t.

Remember when everybody freaked out over Ben Affleck playing Batman, and how he was going to ruin the movie?  I maintained from Day One that he’d be fine, and if the movie had problems, he wouldn’t be one.

And I was right.

I have to hand it to him, given what he was asked to do, I thought he handled the essentially dual roles of Bruce Wayne and Batman with aplomb.  He might not go down as the best of either, but given the history of the character on screen, he acquitted himself well.

Regrettably, I was also right about the most grating aspect of the movie: Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor.

Now, do I have a certain bias against Jesse Eisenberg?  Yes.  He generally gets on my nerves, but that doesn’t mean I hate everything he’s ever done,  Surely some of my agita has to do with the way the Luthor character was written, but, man, him in that role was a tough pill to swallow, and I do mean to the bitter end.

What else did I hate?  For one thing, there’s this thread of Bruce Wayne having crazy dreams that is baffling to watch and doesn’t really add anything.  There are references to the future that I felt were way too explicit; a little subtlety would have been nice in that regard.  And, did we really need to see Thomas and Martha Wayne get gunned down again?  (Mercifully, this happens during the opening credits, so at least they get it out of the way as quickly as possible.)

What else worked?  I’m not entirely sure, but I think there was a creative decision to make Gotham and Metropolis very geographically close, almost like Manhattan and Jersey City; I think I’m on board with that.  Also, Jeremy Irons as Alfred was great; the character had a certain sassiness that I really enjoyed.

Ultimately, the movie is an excuse for one particular centerpiece, and that centerpiece is satisfying, even if the reason for it is a bit hackneyed.

Unfortunately, I’m not so sure the movie works entirely as a movie, which every movie should, no matter the source material, or if it’s the third sequel; every movie should work as its own experience.  I’m afraid that if people don’t know much about Batman or Superman, they’ll be a bit lost watching Dawn of Justice, and they’ll have the same experience I had when I saw X-Men: Days of Future Past (tl;dr, I didn’t give a crap).  Perhaps it coalesces just enough to avoid this problem, but I don’t know; I’ve always been kind of a DC Comics guy, so it’s hard for me to tell.

As I said before though, Dawn of Justice averages out to some solid entertainment, and it did throw in some surprises I wasn’t expecting, which is more that I can say about some other movies.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

P.S.
Naturally, and as usual, Alamo outdid themselves with the specials.  Between my friend and I, we sampled everything but the pizza.
BvS Specials