Batman Triple Pack: Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy (in IMAX)

Seeing as how it’s nearly impossible to talk about Avengers: Endgame without spoiling anything (though I do give it a hearty recommendation if you’re the least bit interested), it seems as good an opportunity as any to talk about three films that I imagine the statute of limitations for spoilers has expired on, at least for anyone who’s old enough to drink.

I’ll speak only for myself here, but I see Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight triptych as the defining movie trilogy of my generation. Part of that is personal taste, part of that is timing (Batman Begins came out as I was graduating high school, Dark Knight heading into my senior year of college, and Dark Knight Rises a couple years into my first 9-to-5 job), but mostly it comes down to cultural impact.

For better or worse (mostly worse, to be honest, but I don’t hold other people’s incompetent stylistic plagiarism against Nolan), these films’ version of Batman and his universe is likely the genesis and certainly the embodiment of what I refer to as Post-9/11 Realism. You can see it in other franchises (or attempted franchises): James Bond; Jaffa/Silver’s Planet of the Apes; new American Godzilla; the DCEU; FANT4STIC; and so on. Even Mission: Impossible, as outright fun as those movies have been in the new millennium, there’s definitely a tinge of seriousness that feels Dark Knight-esque.

But, hey. We’re here to talk about some Batman movies, so let’s talk about some Batman movies.



Original Release Date: June 17, 2005

Weirdly enough, I don’t remember a lot of hype for Batman Begins at the time of its release. It was almost as if it snuck up on us with great stealth (as a ninja should).

Oh, sure, I’d been following the rumor mill for years (more on that later), but deep down I think we almost didn’t believe that it was actually happening, probably because back in my day people didn’t reboot franchises every three years like certain hack studios do today, so despite the fact that eight whole years had passed, the debacle of Batman & Robin was still fresh in our minds.

And, wow; what a sea change.

To go from the candy-coated Gothic neon of the Burton and Schumacher films to the down-and-dirty grittiness of Batman Begins was nothing short of mind-blowing (to their credit, the filmmakers of Casino Royale were able to recapture this feeling a year later, and to greater profit). I think I went out and saw it three times in theaters (which would become something of a tradition with this trilogy, though not unmerited). What’s interesting now though, looking back, is that while I wouldn’t necessarily call it more fantastical, it’s certainly more dreamlike (some might say more “comic book”) than its sequels.

Still, despite the fact that it was a top ten hit both domestically and worldwide, it seems as if a number of people still sleep on this one today, but for fans of the Batman, it was the shot in the arm we desperately needed, and still very much appreciate.

Rating: ★★★★★



Original Release Date: July 18, 2008

If I may jump back for a second to about 2001, I remember when the big rumor about the yet-unproduced Batman reboot was that it would be Batman: Year One (which later turned out to be a quality DC animated feature), to be directed by Darren Aronofsky, and starring as Batman, wait for it, none other than Aaron Eckhart.

Obviously, none of that ever materialized (and may only have ever existed as rumor in the first place), but flashing forward in time, while everybody was freaking out about Heath Ledger being cast as The Joker, I was just happy that Eckhart finally got some sort of consolation prize.

But enough about rumors, as fun as they may be.

I was so excited to see the sequel to Batman Begins that I rounded up a crew to go see, of all movies, I Am Legend, opening night, in IMAX, because I’d learned there’d be a special preview of The Dark Knight. Little did we know we’d be treated to the entire bank heist scene, which, believe me when I tell you this, when that opening shot of the city in broad daylight hit the screen, I thought I was going to fall out of my seat. It was an indelible moment that I still think about today. We’d all grown up going to IMAX films at museums and such, and I’d seen a few movies blown up for the larger screen, but to see a feature film actually shot in the format itself was, again, mind-blowing.

Honestly, by the time I got around to seeing the full movie (again, opening night, in IMAX), my expectations were so ridiculously high that I probably should have been disappointed in some way, but I wasn’t. In fact, at the time, I’d say my expectations were exceeded. Pretty close to miraculous if you ask me.

And I know I wasn’t alone on that.

Rating: ★★★★½



Original Release Date: July 20, 2012

My memories of this one aren’t as clear as they are for its predecessor, but it was a similar overall experience (though I do remember one of my workmates at the time living in Newark and waking up one morning to the sight of Gotham City Police vehicles parked outside his front door). My friend and I went to see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol opening night in IMAX to see the special preview, which again was the amazing opening scene of the movie (and featuring a different audio mix for Bane than the final version of the film).

Suffice it to say though, I think we were all a little less hyped for this one in the wake of Heath Ledger’s untimely death. There’d been rumors that the reason for Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s casting was to replace him as The Joker (which, in retrospect, I think could have worked, especially if his screen time was limited), but ultimately The Dark Knight Rises proceeded forth on its own terms, forging a new and different direction while ambitiously merging the previously unrelated stories of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight to an all-out conclusion.

I remember many people being highly critical of this one at the time, but I’ve always enjoyed it. It may stretch the bounds of realism in a more pronounced way than the two films before it, but all-in-all it draws out a fitting end to the character of Batman according to Nolan’s vision.

As they say, go big or go home.

Rating: ★★★★☆


So, what did I actually learn from seeing all three of these films in IMAX in one day (to celebrate Batman’s 80th Birthday)?

Well, I learned that while each movie is decidedly worth the price of admission on its own (which I already knew, but still), when you line all three of them up in such a direct comparison, it becomes obvious that Batman Begins is the best of the bunch (despite having no actual IMAX footage), which I honestly did not believe up until a few weeks ago when this event happened. The thing about Begins is that the layering of the story and the pacing is just so good, and as big and as grand as its sequels are, they just as obviously have third act pacing issues, which isn’t the worst thing, but it’s noticeable, and forces me to nick some points off.

Another thing I learned is that despite the great performance from Health Ledger (and it is Great), and despite The Dark Knight’s snub being the reason for The Academy opening up the Best Picture Oscar to more than five films per year, the gulf in quality between The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises is not nearly as wide as the consensus would have you believe. In fact, at this point, if you said you liked the latter better than the former, I wouldn’t hold it against you.

Mostly though, I got a great refresher in knowing that these movies would not be what they are without Christopher Nolan. His passion for shooting on real film, for doing effects in camera as much as humanly possible, his knack for great (and I mean truly seamless) miniature work, his blissful ignorance that allows him to cast roles based on merit rather than reputation, all of these things flow out of who he is, what he cares about, and his artistic vision. He’s a great storyteller, to be sure, but the way you tell stories has an impact on the stories you tell, and I couldn’t be happier that this trilogy came from his heart, mind, body, and soul.

At least in the world of live-action, this version of Batman may never be topped. I’m not saying it’s completely flawless, but I’ll tell you this, I don’t think anyone will ever put such care into it ever again. In this world of digital 4-D cleanliness, having these gritty, tactile, analog films is like a warm blanket I wouldn’t trade for anything.

God save the king.


P.S.
I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it here before, but if you’ve never seen Disney’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, you should definitely check it out. There are some amazing parallels between James Mason’s version of Captain Nemo and Liam Neeson’s character in Batman Begins.

P.P.S.
We all got Batarangs.

Twofer Review – ‘Apollo 11’ and ‘Captain Marvel’ – Up and Down

Directed and Edited by Todd Douglas Miller
Soundtrack: Matt Morton

In an era in which we have seemingly unlimited options for content, and the only event “everybody” stops and looks at anymore is the Super Bowl, it can be difficult to:
A. have an appreciation for a truly shared cultural experience
and
B. think of a “documentary” as a must-see cinematic event.

Apollo 11, however, will make you a true believer.

This is a big, beautiful movie; as big as anything you’ll see on the big screen this year.

Rather than a traditional documentary with face-to-face interviews and a lot of experts explaining things, Apollo 11 is more of an art house experience, but make no mistake, it’s for everyone, not just a niche audience. Whether you’re a NASA nerd or a complete space novice, the power of the film is undeniable.

There’s not much else I can say in terms of the moon landing itself or the movie, but the score by Matt Morton is as nearly perfect as the rest of the film (and, as confirmed to me by a source, was performed on strictly Sixties period instruments, which is impressive).

You will laugh; you will cry; you will cheer.

If you see nothing else theatrically in 2019, go see Apollo 11.

Rating: ★★★★½ (out of five)



Directed by Anna Boden & Ryan Fleck
Written by Anna Boden & Ryan Fleck (story and screenplay), Geneva Robertson-Dworet (story and screenplay), and Nicole Perlman & Meg LaFauve (story)
Cast: Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Djimon Hounsou, Lee Pace, Lashana Lynch, Gemma Chan, Annette Bening, Clark Gregg, Jude Law, Akira Akbar, Azari Akbar, Mckenna Grace, London Fuller, Marilyn Brett, Stan Lee
Soundtrack: Pinar Toprak

It stands to reason that after twenty-one feature films since 2008 (and three per year since 2017) the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) would start to unravel at some point.

I haven’t seen every MCU film theatrically, but I have seen every single one in full. They’re not all great, but to this point they’ve all maintained a certain level of quality, be it through ambition, emotion, charm, or just being quirky.

Unfortunately, Captain Marvel is lacking in all of these areas.

Frankly, it’s a boring, predictable tonal mess that feels like a Frankenstein’s monster of a script, and it tries to skate by on some mild Nineties nostalgia that largely falls flat (REMEMBER BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO!?).

The one true highlight of the movie is some quality de-aging effects for Sam Jackson (who finally gets to have some fun in these movies).

Other than that, there’s just not a lot to grab onto. I like Brie Larson as an actress, I’ve seen her do quality work, but her attempt to be laid-back and cool here just comes off as lethargic; and she’s not the only quality performer who goes wasted (Jude Law and Ben Mendelsohn among them).

Overall, there’s nothing Captain Marvel does better than any MCU film beforehand, and for the first time ever in seeing this giant franchise I felt like the movie was just total a waste of time.

The worst sin, though, is that the biggest question the film asks goes unanswered. I could forgive a lot but to get to the end of a movie like this and not have that “Why?” answered is just too much.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Thanksgiving Smörgåsbord: ‘The Front Runner’ – ‘Creed II’ – ‘Ralph Breaks the Internet’ – ‘Robin Hood’ (2018)

One of these things is not like the other…

Let’s get it on.

Directed by Jason Reitman
Written
by Matt BaiJay CarsonJason Reitman, based on the book All The Truth Is Out by Matt Bai
Cast: Hugh Jackman, Vera Farmiga, J. K. Simmons, Alfred Molina, Sara Paxton, Mamoudou Athie, John Bedford Lloyd, Bill Burr, Kaitlyn Dever, Molly Ephraim, Josh Brener, Mike Judge, Kevin Pollak, Ari Graynor, Mark O’Brien, Alex Karpovsky, Toby Huss, Tommy Dewey, Spencer Garrett, Nyasha Hatendi, Steve Zissis, Chris Coy, Jennifer Landon, Oliver Cooper, Courtney Ford, Jonny Pasvolsky, Randy Havens, Steve Coulter, Jenna Kanell, Gabriel Manak, Evan Castelloe
Soundtrack: Rob Simonsen

The Front Runner has gotten mixed reviews, and I think I know why (Rorschach test-type situation), but ultimately I don’t understand why.  Given that we live in the Golden Age of the Documentary, and based-on-true-story movies often fail to justify themselves, this one was a refreshing exception.

I’ll admit that I haven’t seen a Jason Reitman film since Thank You for Smoking, which I enjoyed and which The Front Runner compares favorably to, though they are distinct from each other, but to me you can’t really ask for more from a non-fantastical film-making perspective.  It’s a period piece that takes itself very seriously in that regard (which I appreciated to no end), it’s slick, the performances are by-and-large very good if not excellent (a few questionable casting decisions, but nothing unforgivable), and, at least in my opinion, it lets you make up your own mind (which is perhaps why some people are down on it).

Truthfully though, this is the Hugh Jackman show.  Not that he doesn’t have plenty of help (Vera Farmiga in particular is her usual wonderful self), but it’s certainly among the best performances I’ve ever seen from him, maybe the best so far.  I don’t know if it’ll be “impressive” enough to earn him awards season love, but it would not shock me to see him earn some nods.

It may not be an entirely life-changing experience (although it is about not only a life-changing experience, but a societal-changing experience), but given how down this year has been for movies, I have no problem giving The Front Runner a quality recommendation.

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

Directed by Steven Caple Jr.
Written
by Sylvester Stallone (story and screenplay), Juel Taylor (screenplay), Sascha Penn (story), and Cheo Hodari Coker (story)
Cast: Michael B. Jordan, Sylvester Stallone, Tessa Thompson, Dolph Lundgren, Florian Munteanu, Wood Harris, Russell Hornsby, Andre Ward, Phylicia Rashad, Jacob “Stitch” Duran
Soundtrack: Ludwig Göransson

Alright, Rocky IV: Part 3-D.  Let’s do this.

It’s crazy, because the main fulcrum of Creed II is like something a couple of kids would have thought up on a playground thirty years ago: “What if Apollo Creed had a son and Ivan Drago had a son and they fought each other?”

And yet, it works.  As predictable as it may be at times, as a sequel to a sequel to a sequel will be, Creed II still has enough in its core to be satisfying.

Story-wise, it’s not as cohesive as I remember its predecessor being, but it brings out just as much emotion (cribbing good story elements from Rocky II, III, and IV helps with that), and, frankly, from a visual standpoint, I actually think it’s a better looking film (I can’t find any numbers, but I’m guessing this had a bigger budget than the $35 million for Creed, which would be one explanation why).

In terms of performances, not everybody gets a whole lot to do (even Stallone seems to have less screen-time than in the last one), but I can’t think of anyone who sticks out in a bad way (except maybe for Max “Where’s My Camera” Kellerman).  Even Dolph Lundgren (who I like more than most other people seem to) brings his fair share to the table.  And, he only gets about three scenes, but I really liked Russell Hornsby as the fight promoter.

I know I rag on Hollywood’s lack of originality these days quite a bit, but at the same time I try to judge every movie I see on it’s own merits, and I like what Creed II brings to the table, especially as a Rocky IV fan.

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

Directed by Phil Johnston & Rich Moore
Written
by Phil Johnston (story and screenplay) & Pamela Ribon (story and screenplay), Rich Moore (story), Jim Reardon (story), Josie Trinidad (story)
Cast: John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Gal Gadot, Taraji P. Henson, Bill Hader, Alfred Molina, Alan Tudyk, Ed O’Neill, Flula Borg, Hamish Blake, Ali Wong, GloZell Green, Timothy Simons, Ana Ortiz, Jason Mantzoukas
Soundtrack: Henry Jackman

On the one hand, I want to hate on Ralph Breaks the Internet for being a giant corporate self-pleasure session (which, to be fair, it is).

On the other hand, it’s a lot of fun and it tugged at my heartstrings.

Life is complicated sometimes.

I don’t remember why I didn’t see Wreck-It Ralph in theaters, I think I was just too skeptical to pull the trigger, but eventually I came around to it on DVD and was pleasantly surprised; and the sequel is an even more pleasant surprise because it might actually be better than the original.

Does it go too far sometimes with the references for references’ sake?  Most certainly yes, but, strip all of that away (and, honestly, sometimes it is handled in clever and humorous ways, especially the princess elements), and you still have a solid story of friendship.  Simple, but solid.

It might seem obvious, given that it’s an animated film, but beyond the voice performances, which are by-and-large on point, and the music, the movie’s biggest strength is it’s detailed visual creativity.  Little things like how players in the not-Grand Theft Auto game move with a little lag as opposed to the free-flowing non-player characters, and just overall in how the Internet as a setting is portrayed, as I said, it’s a lot of fun.

Will Ralph Breaks the Internet hold up in ten to fifteen years?  Maybe, maybe not, but somehow it feels more substantial than a lot of other “time-capsule” movies.  I mean, it’s clearly geared towards Disney fanatics, of which I am not one, and I still give it a high recommendation, so, take that for what it’s worth.

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

Directed by Otto Bathurst
Written
by Ben Chandler (screenplay and story) and David James Kelly (screenplay)
Cast: Taron Egerton, Jamie Foxx, Ben Mendelsohn, Eve Hewson, Tim Minchin, Jamie Dornan, Paul Anderson, Josh Herdman, Cornelius Booth, Björn Bengtsson
Soundtrack: Joseph Trapanese

Hey, remember Batman Begins?  That was a good movie.

No, but seriously, as much as this version of Robin Hood wanted me to hate it, I can’t say I hated it.  I wouldn’t say it’s good, but it’s not all bad either.

I don’t know that it entirely works or makes sense (in fact, it’s a bit jarring at times), but I don’t fault the filmmakers for trying to do something different in terms of visual style and fight choreography.  After all, when you’re the fifty-seventh (numbers approximate) Robin Hood movie in film history, you’ve got to do something to distinguish yourself.

Honestly, even story-wise, I wouldn’t say things are entirely poor, but there are moments when the writing is so awful you can’t even believe it.  Add to this a dose of ham-fisted social and political commentary (The War on Terror is the new Crusades!  The Church is evil!), which is no surprise given that one of the producers is Leonardo DiCaprio, and some related tonal inconsistencies (much of the movie is played pretty straight, but then there are scenes, in order to paint people as cartoonishly evil, that are like The Hunger Games meets Mad Max), and you go from a pretty good movie to something you’d randomly find in a Redbox.

As I keep saying though, it’s not all bad, and most of the good comes down to Taron Egerton as Robin Hood.  Occasionally there’s a line or two that not even Laurence Olivier could make good, but on the whole his performance is charming and enjoyable, yet deeply human.

Still though, as most remakes are, 2018’s Robin Hood isn’t really worth your time or money.

You might even say that it’s a Thanksgiving turkey.

Rating: ★★½ (out of five)

Movie Review – ‘Rogue One’ – A Star Wars Problem

You may be wondering why this review is two weeks late.  Well, frankly, I needed to see the movie a couple of times in order to get a proper handle on how I really feel about it; not to mention I am bending (if not out-and-out breaking) certain core People Talking principles, because this isn’t going to be very positive, and it’ll likely be more spoiler-y than I’m accustomed to writing (with proper warning).

Also, I haven’t published anything new in over a month, so I’m a bit out of practice to begin with.

Anyway, here we go…

Directed by Gareth Edwards
Written by Chris Weitz & Tony Gilroy (screenplay), John Knoll & Gary Whitta (story), based on characters created by George Lucas
Cast: Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Alan Tudyk (voice/motion capture), Donnie Yen, Wen Jiang, Ben Mendelsohn, Forest Whitaker, Riz Ahmed, Mads Mikkelsen, Jimmy Smits, Alistair Petrie, Genevieve O’Reilly, Ben Daniels, Ian McElhinney, Jonathan Aris
Soundtrack: Michael Giacchino

Let me get this off my chest right away.

Rogue One is a boring, miserable mess, and the fact that so many “Star Wars Nerds” love it is evidence that fanboys in general lack critical discernment.

Whoa.

Now, I wouldn’t say this movie is as big of a disaster as, say, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, or Revenge of the Sith.  Nor would I call it “entirely joyless” (there are a few good laughs sprinkled in).  But, there’s a lot wrong with it.

First of all, and I brought this up when discussing X-Men: Days of Future Past a couple years ago, every movie, regardless if it’s a sequel, prequel, remake, re-imagining, soft reboot, or whatever, needs to work as its own movie, at least to a certain degree.  I can tell you straight away that somebody who knows nothing about Star Wars would be utterly baffled by Rogue One.  I love Star Wars and I’m still confused about certain elements (but we’ll get to that later).

Secondly, good characters, and, by extension, good performances, are few and far between.

Here’s a list of primary actors who acquit themselves well in this movie:

Ben Mendelsohn

 

I do need to throw in some caveats.  For one, Mads Mikkelsen is fine, but he has so little to do it doesn’t really warrant grading.  Alan Tudyk is adequately charming as the Droid du Jour, but it’s a voice over/motion capture performance, so that’s something of an incomplete grade as well.  I’ll also positively mention Donnie Yen and Wen Jiang, who do okay with what they’re given, but it’s not much to write home about either.

Other than those folks, however…

Felicity Jones?  Flat.
Diego Luna?  Completely miscast.
Riz Ahmed?  Aimless.
Forest Whitaker?  I have no idea.

Again, I don’t necessarily blame these people individually for their underwhelming performances, because they are determined in large part by the script and direction (and editing), but the point is this: If I don’t care about the characters (because they’re boring), and I don’t care about the story, then I really don’t care about the action, no matter how “gritty” it is.

(Honestly, people defending this movie as “gritty” reminds me of people defending Revenge of the Sith as “dark.”  The second time I saw Rogue One, I was ready to leave halfway through the finale, because I just didn’t care anymore.  It’s Star Wars, people; give me interesting characters and go from there.)

But let’s talk about that story, and how it’s wrong.

I was about to try to give a brief, but thorough, plot synopsis, but it’s so much more convoluted than it needs to be that I doubt a single paragraph would suffice, so I’ll just say the Rebels need to steal the plans to the Death Star, which was designed by one of their fathers, and there’s an extremist guy who’s causing problems for the Rebellion.  Allegedly, this father/daughter relationship is important, but there’s no appreciable backstory, so we don’t really care.  For crying out loud, does everybody in the Star Wars universe need to be related?

For reference sake, let’s pull up most of the opening title crawl from Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope, which Rogue One is intended to lead into:

“It is a period of civil war.  Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.
During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire’s ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.”

I guess you could say Rogue One matches this description, at least the third act of it does, but let’s break it down.

“It is a period of civil war.”
True, but I wouldn’t say you get an explicit sense of this outside of the end battle.

“Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base,”
True, but it’s not really planned out like you think it would be.

“have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire”
You call that a victory?  Maybe a Pyrrhic victory, but I don’t know that I’d even go that far.

“During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans…”
True, but it’s more like one actual spy and a ragtag group of people who mostly do commando-type stuff.

Maybe I’m quibbling, but from what I can gather, this movie needed to have a space battle and an espionage element of stealing plans, which it does, but the whole father/daughter/other Rebel extremist plot preceding it is so boring and pointless that I can’t not look at this movie as a huge missed opportunity.

If you ask me, Rogue One would have been much better off in one of three ways:

A.  Essentially a Star Wars version of Mission: Impossible, where it’s like a fun spy movie with the end battle serving as a diversion to allow our protagonists to finish the job.

B. Essentially a Star Wars version of The Dirty Dozen (or Inglourious Basterds, which I think they may have been trying to go for a little bit), where you intentionally assemble a specialized squad to steal the plans during the end space battle.

or…

C. More generically, follow a group of soldiers.  Show them in a battle or two where they get their butts kicked, and they start to become disillusioned, but then they get an opportunity to do something special.  “This is your moment to strike back.”  Something like that.

Point is, keep the story simple and beef up the characters, which, in turn, strengthens the emotions, and allow the film to be strong enough to truly work as a “standalone movie” without relying on embarrassing fan service and nostalgic cameos to maintain the audience’s interest.  I’ve had people tell me that Rogue One relies less on nostalgia than The Force Awakens and I couldn’t disagree more.  Yes, The Force Awakens is a soft reboot of A New Hope, and, yes, it has the key original cast back, but, by-and-large, the nostalgic elements and characters are actually worked into the story, rather than being mere distractions.

***THE NEXT PARAGRAPH CONTAIN EXPLICIT SPOILERS***

Here’s a list of things in Rogue One that shouldn’t have been in it: the actual Death Star (should be a looming threat, not a real threat yet), Mon Mothma (superfluous), CGI Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess Leia (I mean, do I really need to explain this?), Darth Vader (superfluous), Darth Vader using a red lightsaber and the Force to kill Rebel guys (fanboy schlock), Ponda Baba and Dr. Evazan (aka “You’ll be dead” guy) (superfluous), C-3PO and R2-D2 (unnecessary), and Red Leader and Gold Leader (see: Tarkin and Leia).  Also, why does Director Krennic visit Darth Vader to go over Tarkin’s head when Vader clearly reports to Tarkin in A New Hope?  That’s Prequel-level character inconsistency.

***END OF SPOILER PARAGRAPH***

On the other side though, if this movie takes place in the Star Wars universe right before A New Hope, then why are there so many smaller spaceship models we’ve never seen before?  Keeping things consistent in that regard wouldn’t be needlessly nostalgic at all; it would just be maintaining visual consistency, which would be laudable.

Anyway, I’ll be honest, I had doubts about this movie from the moment I heard that Gareth Edwards (director of that giant turd of an American Godzilla movie) was at the helm.  I hoped I would be wrong, but I ended up being more disappointed than I could have imagined.  And not that it’s all on Edwards’ shoulders.  After The Force Awakens, I thought the Star Wars franchise was in good hands with Disney, especially given how they handle the Marvel universe.  But, in light of Rogue One, my faith has been shaken.  Hopefully this will be an aberration; perhaps merely an experiment gone wrong, but given how well it’s already doing at the box office, I doubt critical opinions will be given much thought by the studio.

Again, I love Star Wars.  It’s an indelible part of my life, and I wish everybody loved it as much as I do, but I care more about whether these movies work as movies and whether or not they’ll hold up decades from now than whether or not we ever get to see Darth Vader’s residence.

In the end though, does Rogue One deserve your hard-earned money to see it theatrically?  At first, I thought so, despite my internal conflict, but now, I’m saying no.  Rent it in a few months from now if you want; if you’re a Star Wars fan you’ll get a little something out of it.  As for me, I’m never watching it again, that’s for sure.

ADDENDUM (01/01/17):
One thing I forgot to mention: In a movie full of issues, the music is another problem.  Flat out, Michael Giacchino’s score for Rogue One is unsatisfactory (especially compared to The Force Awakens), and emblematic of the film itself, paradoxically being safe and risky at the same time and ending up a middle-of-the-road mess.  I can’t imagine what it must be like to stand in John Williams’ shadow, but given how this movie was supposed to be a standalone adventure, I think it would have been appropriate to take the music in a whole different direction, perhaps something more electronic/synth based rather than a traditional orchestra.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

P.S.
As usual, thanks to Alamo Drafthouse [Yonkers] and Mondo for the swag and for getting into the spirit of the thing, even if the movie was a disappointment (honestly, it was all about the pint glass this time anyway).