Quick Thoughts – September Round-Up, Part 1

‘Suture’ (1993)

All I knew about ‘Suture’ going in was that it was something of a neo-noir, and it was shot in black and white (which is one of the most appropriate creative choices I’ve ever seen).  Beyond that, I didn’t know what to expect.

Given certain factors (like the “state of race relations” at the moment), I’m not sure if ‘Suture’ would be better received now, or more poorly received, because there’s a central conceit to the movie that if you don’t pick up on, it’ll go right over your head, and that is that Dennis Haysbert plays a White man.  Mind you, he’s not in any make-up or prosthetics with the intention of looking this way, but he plays the brother of a White man, and according to dialogue, they have a quite a familial resemblance.

I don’t want to get into any spoiler specifics, because I liked this movie and would recommend it, but I will explain that the point of casting someone like Haysbert in that role is to make it clear that he is not his brother, because the key theme of ‘Suture’ is not only identity, but what it is inside of us that lets us know who we are individually.

So, yes, it’s something of a heady movie, perhaps a wee bit pretentious, but as long as you understand the central conceit, it’s not all that complicated, and there’s no question that Haysbert carries the film on his shoulders with aplomb.  A fine performance from a fine actor.

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

‘The Hunger’ (1983)

After seeing this one, I now understand why Paramount executives were so concerned when the first dailies that came back from ‘Top Gun’ were nothing but magic hour shots from the deck of the USS Enterprise, because if I were to describe ‘The Hunger’ in one phrase, it would most definitely be, “Too art-house for its own good.”  (‘The Hunger’ and ‘Top Gun’ are Tony Scott’s first two movies, in case you wonder what I mean.)

Like ‘Wolfen‘, ‘The Hunger’ is based on a novel by Whitley Strieber, and much like how ‘Wolfen’ is about wolf creatures that aren’t werewolves, ‘The Hunger’ is about vampires that don’t have fangs.  It’s weird.

Now, like I said, the movie is too art-house for its own good, and in that respect it’s too frustrating to recommend (not to mention there’s a lack of emotional connection for the audience), but I will give it props for perhaps the best old age makeup I’ve ever seen, used on David Bowie.

Frankly, the experience of this movie is not unlike 2014’s ‘Godzilla‘, in that once the most interesting character is dispatched (Bryan Cranston/David Bowie), there’s no need to watch anymore.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

 

‘Blazing Saddles’ (1974)

Seeing this movie on the big screen (in honor of the recently passed Gene Wilder) after seeing ‘Sausage Party‘ this summer just reinforced my assertion that trying to compare the latter to the former is absolutely ridiculous, because ‘Blazing Saddles’ is everything that ‘Sausage Party’ isn’t.  It’s consistently funny, it’s actually clever, and it deals with racism in a very real way (while still making you laugh).

I don’t know if Mel Brooks ever sat down and thought to himself, “Someday, I’ll be the king of parody movies,” like it was an actual goal, or if that’s just how his career progressed, but ‘Blazing Saddles’ was the start of all of it (for the record, ‘Spaceballs‘ is overrated, ‘High Anxiety‘ is underrated).  And what makes ‘Blazing Saddles’ great (besides, you know, everything), like all great parody or homage movies, is a love of the source material.  It’s one thing to sit back and make fun and take potshots at something you think is inherently silly, and it’s another to mine humor out of something you genuinely enjoy, which is true of most of Brooks’ work because he’s a lover of cinema.

Anyway, even if you’re not a fan of Westerns yourself, I can’t recommend ‘Blazing Saddles’ highly enough.  Every performance from the headliners down to random extras is spot on, I think most of the humor still holds up (and some is still quite shocking), and it’s a movie with a hugely important message that never, ever gets preachy about it.

Rating: ★★★★★

 

‘Gang Related’ (1997)

It’s safe to say that Tupac is basically Hip Hop Elvis, right?

A rapper, a dancer, a poet, and an actor, he left quite an impression on the world before (and after) his death at the age of 25.  It seemed fitting to commemorate the twentieth anniversary of his passing with a look at his final film performance.

Circumstances aside, ‘Gang Related’ is a decent movie.  I’d actually call it three quarters of a pretty great movie before it kind of falls apart towards the end.  Tupac and Jim Belushi play homicide detectives who have been using seized drugs to lure unsuspecting buyers to their deaths, then taking the money and covering up the murders as “gang related.”  One night, however, they kill somebody they really, really shouldn’t have, and that’s when things get complicated.

Anyone who was into ‘Breaking Bad’ will particularly appreciate the dramatic twists and turns of ‘Gang Related’, especially in the area of characters trying to cover up their crimes when pretty much everything that can go wrong does go wrong.

In terms of performances, I’m not going to lie and say that Tupac is super special, but given the heavy hitters he’s sharing the screen with, he more than holds his own (James Earl Jones, for one, isn’t in the movie very long, but his commanding presence makes up for lack of screen time).  I mean, if somebody saw Tupac’s performance without knowing who he was, I doubt they’d suspect he wasn’t exactly an actor by trade.

Also, props to Jim Belushi.  Again, his performance isn’t perfect, but it’s effective enough to carry the movie; and his character does get darker as time goes on, which he handles well.

If I have one particular criticism of ‘Gang Related’, it’s that you definitely feel its length, but it’s entertaining enough to watch one time.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

 

‘Mars Attacks!’ (1996)

It seems like they’ll make a movie out of just about anything these days, but 20 years ago Tim Burton made a movie out of a trading card series (usually it’s the other way around).

I have to admit, I’m not, nor have I ever been, a fan of Tim Burton, and this particular movie doesn’t help my opinion of him at all.

At face value, ‘Mars Attacks!’ seems like a great idea: a simultaneous pastiche of 1950s alien B-movies and later Hollywood prestige pictures (the kind with more movie stars than you can shake a stick at, e.g. ‘The Towering Inferno‘).  The problem lies with the execution.  There are so many baffling creative decisions, I hardly know where to begin, so let’s just discuss a couple.

Number One: Why does Jack Nicholson have two roles?

Look, I get that Tim Burton loves Jack Nicholson so much that 1989’s ‘Batman’ should really be called ‘Joker’, but he’s one of the most recognizable people in the history of ever.  You can put some sunglasses and a wig on him all day, everybody is still going to know it’s Jack Nicholson, because Jack plays Jack in every movie, and twice in this movie.  Peter Sellers in ‘Dr. Strangelove‘ he is not.

Number Two: Why, why, why so much CGI?

I get mad when I see period piece movies obviously shot digitally rather than on film, and this is a similar gripe.  I’m sure CGI in the mid-90s was super expensive, so why, especially when making a film based on 1950s B-movies, would you choose that option rather than investing in stop-motion animation and rubber puppet monsters?  This is especially egregious when you consider that Burton had just recently written and produced a little movie called ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’, which was done entirely in stop-motion animation.  Unforgivable.

Ultimately, as is so often the case, the biggest issue with ‘Mars Attacks!’ is the tone.  To say it’s all over the place is an understatement; certainly a far cry from other successful horror comedies.  At one point, the film cuts to a clip of ‘Godzilla vs. Biollante‘, and I immediately said to myself, “I wish I was watching that movie.”

I will admit though, the very end is a good bit, but I’m also a total mark for Tom Jones, so, there it is.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

Classic Four-Play: ‘Van Dammage’ – There Is No Substitute

As a lover of movies in the Greater New York Metro Area, the only thing I love more than actually going to the Alamo Drafthouse [Yonkers] is going to movie marathons at the Alamo Drafthouse; and why shouldn’t I?  I’ve tasted three flavours of blood and ice cream.  I’ve seen a man Caged.  I’ve been to the Stallone Zone and lived to tell about it.

So, when they announced that the next such action-packed marathon was going to feature the incomparable JCVD, I naturally bought ten tickets and invited nine other friends to attend.  I mean, how else are you supposed to heat up January?  It’s not like there’s anything good playing.

Now, I have to admit, before attending the marathon last Saturday (once again curated by Alamo’s Cristina Cacioppo and Greg MacLennan, whose love of Van Damme is so real I could actually feel it), I’d never actually seen a Jean-Claude Van Damme film, at least not in its entirety.  I’m sure I’ve caught bits and pieces of things on cable over the years, but I’d never actually sat down and watched one from beginning to end, and I’d definitely never seen one in a theater before, so I was very excited; and, for the most part, my excitement was justified.

Let’s talk about these movies!

 

Movie #1: Sudden Death (1995)
Sudden Death

Directed by Peter Hyams
Written by Karen Elise Baldwin (Story) and Gene Quintano (Screenplay)
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Powers Boothe, Raymond J. Barry, Whittni Wright, Ross Malinger, Dorian Harewood, Kate McNeil, Michael Gaston, Audra Lindley, Brian Delate, Brian Hutchison, Diane Robin, Rohn Thomas
Soundtrack: John Debney

Look, there’s no question Peter Hyams has directed some bad movies in his career, but on the whole I think he’s criminally underrated.  Capricorn One is a pretty good late-70s conspiracy thriller; Outland is a totally bad-@$$ space western; 2010 is a more-than-worthy (and Kubrick-approved) sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey; and maybe The Presidio isn’t a great film, but boy does it have its moments.  But, we’re not really here to wax poetic on Peter Hyams; we’re here to talk about his amazing action film, Sudden Death.

This movie is awesome.  It’s completely over-the-top and, at times, a little cornball, but if you’re looking for well-directed and exciting action set pieces, then you’ve come to the right place.  Powers Boothe is, as usual, a fantastic black hat, and any time I get to hear this music is just totally gravy.

I also have to give a lot of credit to the production team for really embracing the city of Pittsburgh as a location.  I’m not from there, or anything like that, but I have visited, and it’s a unique city with a unique look that really adds a lot of character to the movie.

Other than that, I really don’t know what else to say that’s meaningful.

Game 7.  The Vice President.  And it’s up to Van Damme to save the day.

What more could you want?

Rating: ★★★★½

 

Movie #2: Lionheart (1990)
Lionheart

Directed by Sheldon Lettich
Written by S.N. Warren (Earlier Screenplay), Jean-Claude Van Damme (Story and Screenplay), and Sheldon Lettich (Screenplay)
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Harrison Page, Deborah Rennard, Lisa Pelikan, Ashley Johnson, Brian Thompson, Voyo Goric, Michel Qissi, Eric Karson, Billy Blanks, Lawrence Bender, Scott Spiegel, Abdel Qissi
Soundtrack: John Scott

So, this one was Greg’s must-see pick, because it’s his favorite JCVD movie.  I don’t necessarily see what he sees in it, but I’m not going to judge in this case.  It’s a sold-enough fighting movie, and the really interesting story is that the print of it we watched was apparently loaned out by the Academy Film Archive, so kudos to them, though I struggle to understand why they have it.

Lionheart is the directorial debut of long-time Van Damme collaborator Sheldon Lettich, and is the story of a French Legionnaire (who we don’t get a whole lot of English-language films about, other than Beau Geste) who goes A.W.O.L. in order to return to his badly burned brother in Los Angeles, and along the way gets involved in the world of underground fighting for the entertainment of rich people in order to make enough cash to get where he needs to go and also take care of his brother’s family.

In short, Van Damme fights his way out of Africa, goes to New York and fights some guys, then goes to LA and fights some guys, and then goes to some ridiculous mansion to fight a huge guy.

All of the fight scenes in Lionheart are shot competently enough, and the New York footage is a nice time capsule, but on the whole I just felt like it was missing something.  I can’t really put my finger on it, but there was just something lacking in it, like it’s not as fun to watch as you’d think; although a slow clap did break out in the theater during the final fight, which is always fun.

I was genuinely disappointed that Van Damme never fought Brian Thompson’s character (aka “The Night Slasher” from Cobra), but maybe that’s just me.

Rating: ★★★½

 

Movie #3: Knock Off (1998)
Knock Off

Directed by Hark Tsui
Written by Steven E. de Souza
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rob Schneider, Lela Rochon, Paul Sorvino, Glen Chin, Peter Nelson
Soundtrack: Ron and Russell Mael
(aka Sparks)

Every Alamo Drafthouse actor marathon has at least one really obscure selection that causes the audience to say, “What’s this movie?”  Sometimes it’s great; sometimes it’s good.

In the case of Van Dammage, it was Knock Off (personally selected by Cristina).

This movie occasionally veers into the so-bad-it’s-good territory, and when it does, it’s glorious, but for the most part it falls into the frustratingly bad category.

Directed by Hark Tsui (who also directed Double Team), Knock Off feels akin to Russian Terminator, an attempt to make an English-language action film by people who don’t really have a grasp of what they’re attempting, which is shocking given that writer Steven E. de Souza also wrote such amazing action films as Die Hard and Die Hard 2.

The plot is incoherent, the filmmakers clearly have no grasp of what the CIA is or does, and some of the editing is so uncomfortably fast and furious that I actually had to look away because my head hurt (fortunately, I had my chicken and waffles special to dig into when times got rough).

There are some nice Van Damme moments in here, but not enough to watch the entire movie.  Find a highlight reel on YouTube or something and you’ll be good to go.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

 

Movie #4: Hard Target (1993)
Hard Target

Directed by John Woo
Written by Chuck Pfarrer
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Lance Henriksen, Yancy Butler, Arnold Vosloo, Wilford Brimley, Kasi Lemmons, Ted Raimi, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Chuck Pfarrer
(Cameo)
Soundtrack: Graeme Revell and Tim Simonec

It’s a John Woo film (his Hollywood debut, in fact).  It’s got guns, motorcycles, slow motion, and doves.

And Jean-Claude Van Damme.  And the City of New Orleans. (Which got me thinking: what if Van Damme played Gambit in an X-Men movie?  Hmmm…)

Anyway, Hard Target is essentially John Woo’s version of The Most Dangerous Game.  Once again, like in Lionheart, rich people are doing crazy illegal things because they can afford it; this time, hunting people for sport!  Also, Van Damme plays a merchant seaman who has to take whatever work he can get because he can’t afford his union dues (just like Inside Llewyn Davis).

Van Damme helps a girl to find her father, they cross paths with the wrong people, and much action ensues.  So. Much. Action.

This was a great film to end the day with.  The crowd was definitely into it and everyone was having a wonderful time.  Plus, this movie inspired a fantastic drink special complete with custom mason jar.  Thanks, Wilford Brimley!

I give it a half star less than Sudden Death because I think Van Damme’s performance is more magnetic in that one (plus, you know, hockey), but Hard Target is still a must-see for action fans.

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

In conclusion, although not every movie was a winner, Van Dammage was a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon, and I’m grateful for the experience, as are my friends, I’m sure.

Group Shot

Now who wants to go home, and who wants to go WITH ME!?