Quick Thoughts – July Round-Up, Part 1 of 2

‘All Quiet on the Western Front’ (1930)

Of all the armed conflicts in human history, perhaps none was more senselessly brutal than World War I.  Early 20th Century Europe was a powder keg waiting for one good spark, and when it came, the continent (and beyond) was plunged into darkness for four long years.  Worse yet, the battlefields and high seas were the most violent Petri dishes imaginable, as aging military tactics met groundbreaking new technology: airplanes, submarines, tanks, chemical gas; pretty much anything that could be weaponized was put to such use.

Based on the seminal novel by Erich Maria Remarque, ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’ is an equally important motion picture, as it captures the madness of “The Great War” from the level of the common soldier; from enlistment, to training, to combat, to back home, and, ultimately, to death.

It doesn’t seem logical that a film made four score and six years ago about a war that happened a century ago would feel at all contemporary, yet ‘All Quiet’ somehow manages to do just that.  The battle scenes, though not filled with the blood and gore we’re accustomed to now, are as harrowing as can be.  What I find even more striking, however, are the characters and their conversations, trying to simultaneously hold onto their humanity while also numbing themselves in order to be effective.  If you’ve seen ‘Fury‘ or ‘American Sniper‘ in recent years, you can draw lines back to ‘All Quiet’.

If I have one major criticism, it’s that you feel the movie’s length (it runs over two hours) and sometimes scenes don’t quite flow together, but given how long ago it was produced, that can be forgiven.

There’s little doubt that this is an all-time great film that everyone should see at least once.

Rating: ★★★★½

 

‘Top Gun’ (1986)

When people ask me what my favorite arthouse film is, I always say it’s the first few minutes of ‘Top Gun’, before “Highway to the Danger Zone” comes in, because it’s nothing but a bunch of long, gorgeous “magic hour” shots of flight deck operations aboard the USS Enterprise, set to that beautifully ambient Harold Faltermeyer score.  Really, until Mr. Loggins comes storming in, my brain tells me this is going to be one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, but then reality eventually sets in, and I retreat to a place of disappointment.

That’s right.  ‘Top Gun’, that awesome movie you loved when you were a kid, is actually terrible.  In fact, by and large, if there aren’t airplanes, Tom Skerritt, or Michael Ironside on the screen, the movie’s a hot mess: the script is bad, the story is dumbed-down, and the romantic sub-plot is horrendous and needlessly log-jammed into the middle of the film.  It’s bad.  It’s a bad movie.

Now, that’s not to say it’s totally irredeemable, because F-14s are awesome, and F-14s taking on other fighter jets are even more awesome, but all that action doesn’t quite make up for the fact that almost every other element is cringe-worthy.

Basically, ‘Top Gun’ is the kind of movie you put on and fast forward through all the boring parts.  There’s absolutely no need to spend all 110 minutes watching the whole thing.

Rating: ★★½

 

‘Risky Business’ (1983)

‘Risky Business’ is another movie I throw in the Overrated bin.  Not unlike ‘Beverly Hills Cop‘, this film lives in the muddled middle: not funny enough to be an effective comedy, and not intense enough to be a cool high school crime drama.

Frankly, the movie is sophomoric, and I get that as a high school story maybe it should be that, but what I really mean is at certain points it feels like it was made by an actual 10th grader.  Perhaps the ultimate example of this is when Joel and Lana (Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay) are attempting to get intimate on a Chicago “L” train and the soundtrack is blasting Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight”; it’s just such a poor creative choice that made me hate the movie in that moment.

However, there is some good work here, especially the Tangerine Dream score, but not enough for me to recommend the movie outright.  Stick to ‘Ferris Bueller’ if you’re looking for a Chicago-area high schooler wish fulfillment movie.

Rating: ★★½

Quick Thoughts – Summer Round-Up, Part 4 – Exhumed Films: Guilty Pleasures Marathon, Part II

Exhumed Films Guilty Pleasures

What better way to spend a beautiful summer Saturday than cramming yourself into a dark theater all day to watch five really obscure movies?
I don’t know!
But, thanks to the wonderful folks at Exhumed Films and Alamo Drafthouse Yonkers, I was able to spend August 22, 2015 in a state of B-movie bliss.

Now, Exhumed Films is an apt name for a company that can dig up prints of such gems as I’m going to discuss (and they’re all definitely guilty pleasures).  These five movies are, in fact, so rare that I couldn’t even find trailers for them online, at least not in English (you’ll honestly have an easier time finding the full movies on YouTube, but you didn’t hear that from me).  Even the IMDb entries are largely incomplete.

Enough jibber jabber.  Let’s talk some schlock.

Movie #1: ‘Radioactive Dreams’ (1985)
01 - Radioactive Dreams

‘Hard-boiled detective Film Noir’ meets ‘post-apocalyptic [and sometimes cannibalistic] Science Fiction’ meets ‘fish-out-of-water Comedy’ in this ambitious but not entirely successful effort from, as RedLetterMedia‘s Jay Bauman would say, “schlock auteur” Albert Pyun.

John Stockwell and Michael Dudikoff (who I both really like in this, even if it’s in kind of a hammy way) play Phillip and Marlowe, two lads left in a bunker at the outbreak of World War III (and, yes, it’s a nuclear war), left to educate themselves, apparently in the ways of the 1940s.  Upon finding a way to finally break out into the outside world, they discover that what was once a lush green landscape is now a desolate wasteland, filled with mutants, gangs, and one particularly suspicious woman, who accidentally leaves them with the launch keys to the last nuclear missile, thus setting the plot in motion (whoever controls the nuke, controls the “world”).

I don’t know for sure, but I think ‘Radioactive Dreams’ was both the longest and biggest-budgeted movie of the day, but it wasn’t the most overall entertaining.  It starts with momentum and finishes with momentum, but the middle section drags quite a bit.

Even so, I’d say it’s worth checking out at least once.  As I said, it doesn’t hit on everything, but I appreciate its ambition (especially relative to its modest budget), and it’s got some nice laughs, particularly if you’re familiar with those “private dick” movies of old.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

 

Movie #2: ‘Gang Wars’ aka ‘Devil’s Express’ (1976)
02 - Gang Wars

My compatriots for the day didn’t really like this one, but I thought it was one of the most entertaining bad movies I’ve ever seen.

The plot is crazy, but I’ll try to sum it up the best I can.

A long time ago. somewhere in China, a group of monks defeated a demon, put it in a box (or something), and put it at the bottom of a cave; the monks then commit ritual suicide in order to protect the whereabouts of this evil demon.  Hard cut to present-day (that is, 1970s) New York.  An afro-sporting kung-fu instructor (Warhawk Tanzania) flies out to China, along with his friend, to finish his own training to be certified as a Master.  One day, while our hero is meditating, his friend wanders off and finds the secret location, taking the box for himself and unwittingly unleashing the evil force within.  The demon then somehow possesses a random Chinese gentleman and boards a boat bound for New York.  After arriving in Manhattan, the demon finds a nice refuge in the Subway, and that’s when things start to get really bloody.

One aspect that elevates ‘Gang Wars’ is the location that is mid-70s NYC, and I don’t mean in a guerrilla filmmaking sort of way, because reportedly the production got all the permits they needed, despite the low budget (instant production value!).

Other than that, the kung fu fighting scenes are hilariously awkward, we’ve got a cameo from Brother Theodore as a priest (improvising ridiculousness, as usual), and just a whole host of funny-bad moments, in addition to some nice, crafty practical effects.

Loads of fun, if you’ve got a group.

Rating: ★★★½

 

Movie #3: Redneck Miller (1976)
03 - Redneck Miller

There are no “good guys” in ‘Redneck Miller’.  Only antagonists and a nominal protagonist.

I say this because our presumable hero, radio disc jockey Redneck Miller, is a real scumbag himself.  No need to explain why, but if you see the film, it’ll be as plain as day to you (let’s just say the hapless henchmen aren’t the only boobs on the screen).

The movie starts out with the thieving of a drug pick-up by a guy on a very unique motorcycle, who then, after making his getaway, returns the motorcycle to its rightful owner, none other than Redneck Miller.  Needless to say, eventually the people whose drugs were stolen find the motorcycle, start harassing Miller, and Miller must find the real thief and clear his name before he or anyone else is dead meat.

I’ve seen some examples of exploitation cinema in my time, but this might be the most exploitative I’ve come across yet.  It was entertaining enough for me, but not everyone shared that opinion.

Take it or leave it.

Rating: ★★½

 

Movie #4: ‘Nightmare at Shadow Woods’ aka ‘Blood Rage’ (1987)
04 - Blood Rage

Now we’re talking.  This was the most entertaining movie of the day for me.

‘Nightmare at Shadow Woods’ is the story of twin brothers Terry and Todd, one of whom kills a pair of teenage lovers at a drive-in movie and successfully blames it on the other, forcing the innocent one to be committed to an institution.  Fast forward about ten years (one of the boys is in college) to Thanksgiving and one of the boys has broken out of the asylum, which spurs the other one to go on a killing spree to presumably blame the other brother again.

I have to say, the unquestionable centerpiece of this film is Mark Soper, who plays the adult Terry/Todd.  He gives the roles a real dichotomy, and I had no trouble believing it was two different characters.  And he really sinks his teeth into playing the bad twin, I mean he is killing people and wisecracking like Will Smith in a alien movie, and I loved it, because I like to have fun watching low-budget slasher movies.

It’s a rare find, but if you can locate it, ‘Nightmare at Shadow Woods’ makes for great “scary movie night” fare (or if you’re looking for one of the only movies set at Thanksgiving).

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

Movie #5: ‘Ninja Busters’ (1984)
05 - Ninja Busters

It may not have been my favorite of the day, but ‘Ninja Busters’ was by far the biggest treat, because this movie is so rare that it didn’t even get a proper release when it was supposed to, thirty years ago.

It’s a buddy comedy about two down-on-their-luck guys who join a karate school with the intention of picking up girls, and eventually they become black belts and get mixed up with some criminals and ninjas.

In real-life, most of the movie’s prominent characters were respected martial artists, and one of two leads, Sid Campbell, actually wrote the script.  He’s very good in the film as well; for someone without much on-screen experience, I found him to be a very natural comedic actor, and he gives the movie a lot of heart.

You can read the director’s account of how it was made, unreleased, and then found again on his blog.  It’s quite a story, and I look forward to being able pick up ‘Ninja Busters’ on Blu-Ray.

Rating: ★★★★☆

 

Well, there you have it.  A whole day’s worth of low budget charm.  Kudos again to Exhumed Films and Alamo Drafthouse Yonkers for putting it together.

I look forward to “Guilty Pleasures Marathon, Part III” in 2016 (although Part II might be tough to beat, honestly).

Classic Movie Review – ‘Christine’ – Too Much Love Will Kill You

Christine

Original Release Date: December 9, 1983
Directed by John Carpenter
Written by Bill Phillips based on the novel Christine by Stephen King
Cast: Keith Gordon, John Stockwell, Alexandra Paul, Robert Prosky, Harry Dean Stanton, Roberts Blossom, Steven Tash (bit part), Kelly Preston (bit part)
Soundtrack: John Carpenter and Alan Howarth

(Once again, as when I reviewed They Live, I had a nervy decision to make as to which song I would name this review after, though in this case it was the same band.  Ultimately, Too Much Love Will Kill You won out over I’m In Love With My Car, but, really, they’re both perfect.)

John Carpenter directs Stephen King.

What a shame it only happened once.

Much like when Queen’s Brian May once got together with Eddie Van Halen to record Star Fleet Project, the result is something quite unique and special.

To be sure, Christine wasn’t the first or last “Killer Automobile” movie (Stephen King himself later directed Maximum Overdrive, based on his own short story, Trucks), but what sets it apart is that it’s not a mere framework upon which to hang schlock horror.  No, Christine is a real story, with real characters and real themes; and it’s executed brilliantly.

A complete and biting twist on both nostalgia-based movies (American Graffiti) and coming-of-age stories (Rebel Without A Cause), Christine is the tale of Arnie Cunningham, a smart but definitely nerdy-type high school student who one day in 1978 discovers a beat-up ’58 Plymouth Fury and decides to buy it on the spot in order to restore her.  As the semester passes, however, Arnie begins to change, shedding his geeky shell for a new cocksure demeanor, going as far as to win the affection of the most beautiful girl in school, much to the terrible shock of his jock best friend.  However, a more sinister force is at work, and before long a number of mysterious deaths bring the police’s attention to Arnie and his prized vehicle.

Remember when you were young and you had your first relationship?  At the time it felt like everything, but when you look back on it you realize how crazy you were.  You blew off your friends, talked back to your parents, and became just a different person in general, all for something that probably didn’t last much more than a few months.  Or, perhaps this was never you, but it was one of your friends.  Either way, Christine will resonate with you, because “Christine the Fury” is Arnie’s first relationship, and they’re both extremely jealous lovers.

If you’re a fan of late-70s to early-90s cinema, Christine offers quite the potpourri of familiar (if not famous) faces.  Arnie is played by Keith Gordon (in hands-down the performance of his career), who I really liked in a supporting role in Jaws 2, but is probably more well known as Rodney Dangerfield’s son in Back to School.  Arnie’s best friend Dennis is played by John Stockwell aka “Cougar” from the beginning of Top Gun.  Alexandra Paul (total stunner in this) you might know from Dragnet (she was also on some show called “Baywatch”).  Robert Prosky‘s been in lots of things.  Harry Dean Stanton needs no explanation.  Roberts Blossom IS Old Man Marley.  Kelly Preston was in Twins (and is married to some guy).  And last, but not least, Steven Tash is the gum-spitting student from Ghost Busters.

However, as great as this ensemble is, Christine would not be this film it is without its incredible (and 100% practical) special effects, supervised by Roy Arbogast (who’s worked on everything from Close Encounters Of The Third Kind to The Thing to What Dreams May Come).  Seriously, there’s a scene where the busted up Plymouth fixes itself, and it looks totally real!  That’s what I call movie magic.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention the music.  Not only the original score, which is appropriately creepy in its own right, but the choice of old rock & roll songs, which are used to both comedic and, more often, chilling effect (like if Bumblebee was a serial killer).

Lastly, I have to commend the production for being serious about when the film takes place.  They could have easily just said it was 1978 but not done anything to really sell it, but there are a few touches here and there.  In the scene at the drive-in theater, the movie playing is Thank God It’s Friday, released that year, and there’s a poster on the wall of the snack bar for The Buddy Holly Story, also released in 1978.

As I’ve said before, I’m not the biggest horror fan in the world, but if you’re looking for a scary good time, I have to recommend Christine.  It’s creepy, it’s clever, and, frankly, in the John Carpenter catalogue, it’s criminally underrated.

A true horror classic all around.

Rating: ★★★★☆